rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
