I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They are going to name an STD after you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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