Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
