I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
