She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
