I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
