I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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