My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
