you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
