Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
