she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
