just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
