I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize