I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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