I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
