If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
birth control should be required to get into college
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
