Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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