i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize