people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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