Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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