Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
