I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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