I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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