he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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