Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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