Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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