i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
