Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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