I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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