I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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