I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
