THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
