Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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