apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
