It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
