Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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