Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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