I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
