Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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