i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
