Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize