I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
