just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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