I seem to have left my pride at pride
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
two words...techno handjob
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
