My hand turned me down
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize