Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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