This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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