So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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