drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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