my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
please don't ironically join a cult
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