420 ftw
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
