I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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