This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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