Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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