Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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