so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
