I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
