Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
