OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My balls are so social today.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
