Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
