people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
