My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
