apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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