come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
