Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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