Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
