maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
