Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
