so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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