Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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