her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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